Toughest Job

Out of everything that I do, being a MOM is by far the toughest job EVER. There are days that I question everything that I am saying, doing, or trying to accomplish. Then there are days were everything just FITS perfectly and is so easy. Lately, its been tough, real tough and the hardest part is not knowing when we might see the light at the end of the tunnel. I keep my fingers that it is just around the corner but not having been through this before-I just have NO idea. And it hasn't just been one of the boys, both of the boys are going through their own little funk right now. And don't get me wrong, each of the boys are still so very loving and have many sweet, sweet moments but those in between moments where they are in full on tantrum mode are starting to weigh heavily on us. It makes us wonder what more can we be doing...

The little guy, Logie, hasn't been sleeping very well lately. He is waking up almost every night for about an hour or so and just cries and cries. I don't know how many times I have told my co-workers or friends to let their little ones cry it out, that they'll figure it out, they'll go back to sleep on their own and that they are just testing you. The minute you walk into the room, they will laugh, they will be perfectly fine and when you pick them up-they just got everything they wanted. So when Logan woke up the first couple of nights I took my own advice…until I couldn't take it anymore and just wanted to go in and rock with him and hold him tight. Let him know that his Momma loved him and that I was there and always would be there for him. We rocked for 20 minutes or so and when I thought he was asleep again I slowly got up and as I made my way back to his bed he started screaming again. He had already won this round so sleeping with me in bed wouldn't be giving in. Or would it? So after two very LONG and sleepless nights I let him cry it out on the third night. When he woke crying, I walked in, laid him back down, rubbed his back and turned on his noise machine. After about 20 minutes, he fell back asleep. The next morning I come in and I see blood on his sheets-he had a bloody nose over night and I didn't see it. I felt horrible. And then I started to count the number of bloody noses he has had over the last month or so and the number worried me. I told our babysitter about it and asked her to watch it and that day he had two more. Deep down I knew it was the weather change, the dryness in the air but I couldn't help but think it was more so I called the doctor and asked to have him checked out. After explaining my concerns and a quick draw of blood she was able to confirm that all his levels looked good. He had a little bit of a viral infection and that could be part of the reason for the more than  usual bloody noses but more importantly could be a reason for his restless sleep too. I left the doctor's office knowing that Logan was healthy, he was just having one of those weeks...

And Kaden. Well I am afraid he is having more than one of those weeks. I posted the below picture on Facebook earlier last week-it had a lot of red on it and words were even underlined. It was a bad day at daycare. He did have his good moments-he ate all his lunch!

I was hoping that this would be just a one day type of thing, something we would talk to him about and that it wouldn't happen again but we weren't so lucky. By the end of the week 3 out of the 5 days looked like this.

Kaden was having trouble waiting his turn and channeling his emotions/reactions. One example that I was given--he wanted to play "house" with one of the kids at daycare but that kid didn't want to and said "no". Kaden chucked a book at him. Literally chucked a book. It broke my heart to hear this. This was not what we were teaching and we certainly don't tolerate this behavior nor do we know where he was learning this. Yes, he throws his little fits when he doesn't get his way but we do the "time-out" thing and we don't give in. If he doesn't ask politely then he doesn't get what he is asking for either. We are trying our best to raise a respectful young boy but I guess as hard as we try there are just some things that he has to learn on his own. We just have to be there to explain why we can't react a certain way and help him see that there are other options. Ms. Brenda reassured me that three year olds go through this, that they just need to find a good way to communicate their feelings and that with a little redirection and explaining his options, he'll figure it out.

I don't want my children to grow up thinking they are entitled to anything and everything they want. I want them to be thankful for what they do have and to understand that not everyone can be as fortunate and it is those, the less fortunate, that we need to help and lend a hand to. I want my boys to be the ones that go over and sit with the kid who is sitting alone at lunch and make him feel as though he is included. I want my boys to make a difference.

But how do we ensure that we are doing all we can? Its these teaching moments that make being a parent so hard. I want to be able to be the "fun and cool mom" but I know that sometimes being the tough yet loving mom is the only way. And as I write this, I know that I am talking about a 3 year old and an 18 month old--heck they can't even wipe their own butts! I can't even begin to imagine the tough decisions that we'll have to make when they are teenagers…

Being a parent might be a tough job but it is by far, hands down, the most rewarding job I have ever and will ever have. Just thankful that I have such a wonderful family and set of friends to lean on in times like these.